I've now had two experiences of radio therapy/radiation therapy/something that multiple doctors have described. And it might be fine, might allow me to have as much energy as I've been having.
But right now it's kicking my ass.
I'm so tired. I feel like I could sleep much of the day. I could wake up to play with Maybelle in the afternoon and evening, but for the last today it's been a real question about whether I should go to bed at the same time that Maybelle does (7:30). Last night I went to bed at 8:30. Unfortunately, Maybelle decided that 5:00am is a great time to get out of bed, so I'm downstairs guzzling coffee. Coffee is delicious.
But I'm so tired.
Radiation therapy does't hurt, so that's a plus. But it's messing with my ability to talk. I can still talk and write, but it's clear to me that both are more challenging. For the last two days I've forgotten how to say certain nouns, and I've had to describe them to friends. My life is almost like charades (a word I had to look up before I could writing it here). This is a common reaction--nothing to work in a frightened way. And my friends are saying it's fine. But it's making me frustrated. Grouchy. Who the fuck am I when I have a difficult time talking?
I'm incredibly fortunate to have people come to stay with me. Thank you, Mama, Catherine, Eliza! I'm incredibly fortunate to have friends taking Maybelle for big chunks of Saturdays (thank you, Cindi). I'm incredibly fortunate to have friends who make food (thank you, Andrea and every body who delivers delicious dinners). I'm incredibly fortunate to have friends who take me for walks, go get my groceries, pick Maybelle up and take her to dance class and bring her down.
Etc. I can't list everyone. I have a group of supporters who are amazing. I'm grateful.
But I'm so tired. I foolishly agreed to assess two academic articles. What was I thinking? Last week I could have done it. This moment: no way. I'm having a hard time doing almost anything (although look: I'm blogging. I part this is because I plugged Maybelle into her iPad, and I'm trying to keep myself awake.)
So here's a positive picture: